Life's Philosophy

I am a girl.

A very lucky girl.

In fact, so lucky that she has been sponsored or should I say,

Given the chance to study abroad.

In my case, I think I do not deserve it.

Luck.

Chance.

Gift from Heaven.

What ever you call it. I am Lucky.

But why so Sad?

That I do not know.

I am blessed to have or own anything I want.

And I am grateful

for I have experienced

What it was like

Not being able to get what I want.

I stood outside the balcony,

whilst my friend was asleep.

Dwindling in thoughts that was once forgotten

and now revived.

I stood outside

Staring at the sky whilst it set

Burning flames setting --deminished

Only to be reborn again tomorrow.

I wonder why

Why am I so unhappy?

I have everything a girl should have

But yet my heart yearns for something.

Something I do not have or have not experienced.

I do not understand.

Why the pain lingered

as I stand outside the balcony with a wonderful view

I see people going home from work
And I wonder --Are they all so happy and ever satisfied?

Or is it just me?

Life is kind and yet so harsh, as many has said before me

Inside, lies great deep sorrow.

Yes, oh insolent child

You ungrateful thing.

Life passes me by

And I wonder day by day

Whether if life of Routine

is the Route to Happiness?

Or is it just the stereotypical way

in which our ancestors taught us.

I fear of dying alone

The fear much greater than that of nightmares.

I realised some time ago that

"Happiness only real when shared."

I then realised that I have not shared.

I have not loved.

I am young but I want to know

What it is like to be loved or to love

Solitude - A state in which I'm in.

No. I am surrounded by people

But why do I say that I'm suffering from Solitude?

I'm lying to myself, day by day,

Blinded myself not to see

What is most obvious to me.

I long for the day I meet The One.

Than shall my thirst be quenched

and thus say

"I am free"

Free from the lies that I'm drowning myself in.

Free from the chains in which Solitude has chained me tight.

Free from being everything I'm not.

Only strangers ever can see the real me.