Zombified

I can see the pattern already for 2009.

My blog is going to be so blank.

No photos.

No.

Nothing.

Nil.

All I do nowadays is wake up, work, come home, relax, sleep.

And the cycle continues.

Fun isn't it?

Welcome to 2009.

Imagine when uni starts.

I can already imagine the cycle.

It goes like this: Wake up, work, go to lectures/tutorials, come home, study (finish any assignments or homework) and sleep.

Cycle repeats itself the next day.

Joy..

Curtin University, Here I Come!!!

Ironic, but I'm finally getting into uni!
Have to add as a 2nd year student.
Bwahahaahaha indeed.

Bitch in Me

Another entry on ranting. Boy, I do love to rant don't I? It's probably the fact that I can't rant out loud in person that I have to rant it out here. Why not?

I've been feeling really tired lately, and yesterday I actually managed to sleep for 16 hours. Unbelievable.

Went out clubbing yesterday at Metro City with Vern Tee. I don't know why, but clubbing doesn't feel the same for me anymore. Not that I have been out clubbing for long. It's just that maybe I don't really enjoy dancing. And with recent tummy upsets, I can't hold drinks in my stomach long either. They normally end up in the toilet bowl 10 minutes after I've drank them. Such a waste of alcohol.

And then today. Sunday. I hate Sundays. It's like the end of the weekend and you just know you have to wake up and go to work tomorrow. Damn, I do miss 2008, where I didn't need to work and had no worries about financial issues at all. I like my job, but when you have to put on a fake smile to greet customers, that's so wrong. Customer service. Mm.. So hard to put on a fake smile when you're like an empty bowl of expressions.

"You need more friends". Humph. Fuck to those who even think about these kind of responses. You don't know. Friends are so temporary and you don't even know who are "friends" or should I say acquintances? People I know? Urgh what gets me frustrated is that some only give oral advice. I'm like "TAKE IT ALL BACK". I don't need oral advice. Seriously. Call me an ungrateful bitch.

So what? Sue me.

Do you think I'm stupid or something that I have not thought about the alternatives. All you can do is sit there and repeat what I've already thought of. Now that's just plain fucking annoying.

Those who have offered to fork out money, I thank you now. Waleed, Tony and another friend. I thank you for your sincerity and trust. I have to thank Tony especially since I only knew him for a few months and through Lin Hu. The money is all sorted out now so it's fine.

Come to think of it. I think I shall label most people I know as acquintances. That is a more suitable term for those that I know.

What else.. gee. So much to rant and hence this weird order. I just type what ever I'm thinking right now.

Oh. I nearly forgot.

Valentine's Day.

I should not be thinking about this now, but sooner or later, when that day approaches, it's going to hit me. So why not rant about it now?

It's a festival to mock singles. Seriously. You stare as couples go by and walk by hand-in-hand.

Humph.

Girls get showered with the boyfriend's attention and vice-versa and all the lovey-dovey crap they have on display. You argue - what about family?

Ahem. My mother is a thousands of miles away and I'm here alone?

GAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This lonely part of me is killing me. Eating me up from the inside. All people can say is MAKE MORE FRIENDS. WELL HOW ABOUT I TELL YOU NOW THAT NOT ALOT OF "FRIENDS" ARE WILLING TO SACRIFICE THEIR TIME TO SPEND IT WITH ME WHEN THEY HAVE EITHER WORK, THEIR SPOUSE OR OTHER FRIENDS TO KEEP THEM OCCUPIED.

WTF lah. Friends. How long can they keep you company when they have problems of their own or other friends. They can't be with you 24/7.

I think I'm going nuts here. My mental health has deteriorated from the recent crisis and on top of this, I have no one PHYSICALLY to turn to.

One can only last that long.

Good news at last!

The money came in today! It's a tad bit short, but I'm sure I'll be able to fork out another $100 :)

Hoorah!

Curtin University, here I come!

Sally's Song

I sense there's something in the wind
That feels like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice... my feelings for him?
And will he see? How much he means to me.
I think it's not to be.

What will become of my dear friend
Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I'd like to join the crowd
In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn't last.

And will we ever... end up together?
No I think not
It's never to become
For I am not the One..

Listing what is possible to Achieve

Let's see.

No one can possibly loan me $10k straight up. Why not break it down then? I can pay it back all on the 20th Feb and the distance between the 11th and the 20th is 9 days. Give it 10.

For the record, I think zomfgwtfbbq can vouch that I don't even enjoy people paying for my dinner or lunch. I do not like being in debt. Nor do I enjoy going around asking for money. I guess this is how fucking desperate I am, going around asking if people are willing to chip in their bit to try to make this thing work.

Secondly, going back to Malaysia is the worst case scenario that could ever happen to me. 3 years worth of junk. Moving back is a waste of time and money [if I have to ship it all back to KL] and not to mention the re-application fees of $400AUD or RM1200 for the stupid student visa. Ok. This is as my last option.

I'll be popping in to Curtin to ask [if not plead] for an extension and grant me my enrolment before payments. If they say yes, hallelujah. If not, back to square one. But what I know from my previous experience with CIC, is that they gave a shit load and shot me with questions about my fees and it was only cause I had proof that I paid that they allowed my enrolment. Imagine not paying at all, and still asking for extension!

Crap.

Cibai betul.

I'm not so pissed cause I've got my friend's AC, which retained my sanity.

Ok, ok. I might be wallowing in self-pity. So sue me.

Mesha,
is hardening-the-fuck-up. And apparently is kulit tebal.

Just When You Think You're Almost There..

...you fall back to the black, stenching pit of doom. Urgh. How fucking frustrating.

Mother told me the wrong date in which the term deposit was supposed to end. Earlier she stated 8th and now when she checked back it was the 18th! Uni starts on the 16th.

Back to square one, but can't blame my mum. She's trying her hardest to support me now and it's unfair on her to lose interest that she's been waiting to harvest for the last 8 months.

Haiz. Now I have to find people who are willing to lend me $10,300 AUD for a period of 10 days. But how many people are willing AND is able to lend me that amount of money? Not many. Well, I guess, breaking the sum down plan to a reasonable amount to be borrowed might work, if I had only more close friends that has trust in me.

So far, I've found one. Waleed. But don't know how much he's willing to fork out for the time being. We shall have to see. :(

True Friends only exist in Fairytales

I've been watching Heart of Greed for the past month now and I realise there's something that is so hard to get in this world.

True friends.

How this drama is related to the topic of real friends is shown between the friendship between the main characters Sheung Choi Sum and Tong Chi On (Tak-tak tei). Choi Sum's problems seems to occur throughout the drama, but since she has became friends with Chi On, he has always been at her side, pulling her through sticky situations.

What reminded me of my current position, was when Choi Sum's irresponsible, elder brother used her to loan money from a company and she was stuck in a financial dilemma, Chi On lended her the amount of money. No questions asked! And the amount ain't little either.

Although Chi On is from a really well-off family and can afford to lend her the money, where do you find a friend that would lend you that amount of money. The amount of trust that he has (they had only been friends for a relatively short period of time) for her is immense.

Which also leads me to think how people view me as? For those that had lent me money, I returned as soon as I had it. I guess $10,000 AUD is too much to ask and I don't have friends that would lend that amount to me anyways (or don't trust me enough with that amount).

Well, I can't really say either that I don't have any good or close friends. But the extent of their help is limited. Ok, ok I'm grateful for the friends that I have, but I guess I've been watching too much of this drama that I expect more from friends.

Or is it cause I don't really have any? Who are willing to spend the time to pull me through. I know I'd do the same for them.

The most credit I have to give to are Bel and Jeremy. They've listened to my shit and at least made an effort in trying to get me not so emo so I can retain my sanity. Also have to thank Francis for the dinner tonight. I can keep the left over risotto for tomorrow night! Yay!

Moreover, to finish off this post. I have deleted most of my Malaysian "friends" or should I say classmate off my MSN. I wouldn't call them friends. More like people I know. No, I'm not a bitch, but I think it's clogging my MSN and a waste of space when they make no effort in keeping contact with me (oh, yes I've tried it for the first year I came here. I had to initiate every fucking conversation or e-mail.). Hence you're so not worth my space or time. Some people don't mind it but I think that's just frustrating. So, Nice knowing you but GTGTHXBB

Mesha,
Still at the brink of sanity.