How frustrating can it get? I've been screwed over 3 times. Dumped all 3 times.
Well, almost 3 times.
It really makes me wonder though, is there seriously something that wrong with me? Is there something coursing through my veins, my very own DNA, that puts people off being in a relationship with me? Am I really that bad?
Hell.
I seriously wonder what I have left, of a heart.
You told me you love me but you don't ever seem to show it. Well, you do in a way. You care but the way you were in love with me is gone.
I will never forget the times where you loved to hold my hand when we were out. Neither will I forget the times where you always wanted me by your side and never wanted me to leave, even for a moment. Or the times when you told me you loved me. Wait, not only that. You wanted me, you needed me in your life. I was, for a moment in time, the most important person in your life, other than your parents.
I was truly happy. But I was such an idiot to have not recognised it. I'm sorry.
Now, I just long deep down inside for you to be the person you once were when you wrote me a letter, which was a reminder of your love for me.
Where did the love go, my love?
Where did it go?
And what has it made me now?
I'm suffering despite taking anti-depressants. It's suppressing my feelings but no, it is not enough. I wanted something to make me feel happy, even for a moment, where nothing mattered at all.
So, I have resorted to drinking myself to sleep at nights. It was either that or have swollen eyes from crying too much.
A month's break is a long time. Hell, 2 weeks passed by so goddamn slowly. Another 2 weeks to go. I wonder how I'll cope?
I just wanted to say, that I take it all back. I need you now.
And I still love you very much.
I pray to God, that the end of this month, everything will be over and I'll be back in your arms again.
I'm quite an optimist for a pessimist, aren't I?
