Woo!!

Freaking Annoyed

"Look..The administrator has accepted your results but they have a policy of you having to send the OFFICIAL results," said Patrick.

"I know, but as stated I will not get my results until the 5th of February and I did not receive my Diploma due to the lack of requirements." I said in a mixture of desperation, confusion and anger.

"Well, you'll just have to wait until then and send it", Patrick replied calmly in response to me. "We can't do anything more and the university has a policy that you have to hand in the official results."

"Well, I also have an offer from QUT but the thing is that Mother and I want to get this thing sorted. To have a place confirmed and not sit here with a few conditional offers on out hands and everything is uncertain. I need to get a place.."

"But you're going to recieve a Conditional offer from ECU and then all you have to do is to wait for your official results."

Erm.. ok..see the big picture here? I'm now stuck in the midst of applying for uni and the nitwits need my results but I don't have it until early February. I was swearing like an old gypsy. I mean COME ON! Give me a break, gees..I only have a copy of my results certified by my vice school principle and that's about it. I CANNOT wait any longer. Not due mostly to my impatience but my visa and things getting sorted. How would you like if someone asked you, "How are you?" and you sit there with a blank face with no response. Like an idiot right? This not only affects me but Mother.

Mother on the other hand is being unsupportive, probably cause she thinks I have to man-handle it myself. Her theory was that because she didn't need help from her parents with her application for university, I should follow likewise. But she got in - easily. Me, this dumbass which failed the Diploma, not only has to face a failure but a screwed up application process. Is this a punishment for failing? No just me. Schoolmates I know who failed has at least an offer and is going somewhere..except me.

Sitting here..I called Patrick again. Worst case scenario is the application for colleges. I didn't tell him this though: My last option is QUT. Well at least I don't have to move that far. There's a consideration.

• If I can't get into a uni in Perth, that means a college diploma as a gateway. And they don't necessarily have the course you want.
• QUT has the offer with the foundation as required. So which one?

Ah..I don't give a fuck thought's anymore. I need to relax. And there goes my New Year's resolution of not swearing on blogs.

JW Assembly

" His voice was so soothing and my ears were turning it into a lullaby. My eyes flittered and then it is shut. Boring."

Time for another Jehovah Witnesses' Assembly. Gosh it was full of Witnesses but almost none I knew. Couldn't care less as I'm not a baptised one anyways but it feels as if you just came off a plane from another country and everyone you walk past you do not know and yet these people had a sense of familihood. I felt left out. This assembly starts at 9:30 am and ends around 3:30pm with an hour's interval at 12:20pm.

The morning part was alright but once after our stomach has been filled with food, your body tends to relax more and slowly everything seems so soothing and inviting you shut your eyes. A few times I guess I had this strong urge to sleep but of course, Mother wouldn't allow that.

"A lady would never show that she is tired. So sit up and at least pretend you're listening!"

I never listen anyways. To the speaker I mean. I just sit there like a doll to make Mother happy but personally I wouldn't go. I don't know - I admired these people having such strong faith in a religion but to me, I'm starting to be sick of these religion issues.

Religion - Man-made or really by God? I don't know anymore. If you look carefully, there are so many religions in the world of today that you start to question - WHICH IS THE RIGHT ONE?
Islam, Buddhism, Christianity (Methodist) and now this...I ponder over the teachings and this is what I have concluded:

Islam: Long story cut short, there are some ways where I disagree. Why cover your hair? If God wanted us women to cover up hair, may as well make us bald. I agree on the issues of drinking and eating pork and admire those strong in faith but there are just somethings. Not to mention, men having up to four wives. Seriously, polygamy should go both ways then, women having four men.

What about idolising? I maybe wrong and correct me if I am so. Idolising is a no-no. But what about putting an image of the Mecca on the mat and praying in the direction of it? Isn't it just a square building? I know they believe if you go in you may see heaven and hell but only royalty allowed in. It's still idolism to me.

And if men go to heaven they get 72 virgins? This really proves that men are sex maniacs..Come on! I mean 72 freaking virgins. And women? Do we get 72 virgin men then? No. Only one as we don't have the "need". Ish..

Christianity: At 5, I was baptised as a Methodist, however, I did not fully understand their terms. My perspective on Trinity - God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit as one is a load of ****. How can the Son and the Father be one? And if Jesus died, did God die as well? If God died, how did he resurrect himself? Someone has got to be out there then.

Heaven and Hell: Most people believe there's a hell. Hell is fictional, mostly to scare people out of their skin and follow Christianity. Think of it this way - If God is so merciful and kind, can you imagine him throwing you into a pit of ever-lasting flame and being tortured for eternity. Not as kind as I would imagine him to be then eh? It would put Him as the same rank as Hitler and I doubt He's cruel.

Buddhism: The teachings from Buddha supports peace, but mostly it's idolising to a statue. My grandparents are Buddhists and I wasn't that into it enough to fully complain. I just don't like the incense and bowing down to a small statue that's as tall as my knee..

J.Witnesses: A teaching that finally could answer all my questions but there are somethings yet again I disagree. Believing if you do God's work in this lifetime, you'll get to live on paradise earth forever, Jesus ruling over us for the millenial reign, then Satan will be left to tempt us earthlings and who that follows the Devil is destroyed along with him and his demons. Ok. Life forever with peace, no violence, war, disease and famine. However, what about entertainment? I know - most of the movies today has violence and exciting bits in it. Most movies I know has a protaganist and so does books. Without it, well, it gets rather boring...

Gah! I'm so out of these things right now and forgive me if I have offended anyone. That's your faith not mine (not anymore at least..) and I'm just speaking my mind. Oh yeah, the 1 hour ++ drive was so boring here's what I did:

Camwhoring!! Haha ok..Maybe I'm just too self-obsessed.

Cute Camwhoring? Or Au Natural?

"All I see is cute girls with big teary eyes and puffed up cheeks to try to make them look cute, after the Japanese fashion. So I tried to be part of the flock and attempted it. I failed it. Miserably."

So what's with the deal with Asians, mostly Chinese girls having cute photos? All I ever wanted was to look pretty like those in the mags I read, for example CLEO. All I ever recalled was some models with serious looks on their faces or maybe posing naturally. I didn't remember seeing them posing with big puppy dog eyes to try to make themselves look like a whining puppy.


This is until I opened my friends supply of Japanese magazines, imported directly from her Japanese friends. Now I see what all the fuss is about. Girls with porceline skin, big eyes enhanced by mascara, and cute poses. More or less like a Doll. No difference actually.
So here's the thing:

Caucasians: Serious, Sexy, Flirtatious, Mysterious

Asians: Cute, Adorable, Innocent, Naive looking

Confusion arises for me now. I'm an Asian in a Caucasian world. Which one? Let's see..most of my photos are au natural so posing cute is a challenge. Let's see how "cute" and "innocent" I can look. Trust me, it's not easy for me cause technically- I don't have a baby doll face.



This is a photo of my school mate in Malaysia. Here's how a normal teenage Asian girl pose:

So this is a girl from my old school, typically posing cute.

My turn:

Goldfish Girl

Seriously. Goldfish Girl? This would only serve as a good joke. For the mean time I'll stick with this:

Hahaaha laugh all you want. Poser Alert!

I Must Be Dreaming

"I could not see his face but yet I lingered in his presence and I knew he and I were meant to be. It was awkward but pleasant until the day of union came."

Lately, I don't know why, but I have been getting realistic dreams. These dreams revolve around the theme of marriage and union. You may think that dreams of the big day should be pleasant and end like a fairy-tale story. That's what I thought.

It started with a dream that had couples sitting in seats and I was the only one without a partner and I was sitting next to Mother and Andrew. The dream then turned into a tv reality game show where I had to assemble a bumper car. The dream then fast forwarded and I ended up getting off the stage and back sitting on the couples' seat and only to realise that I had a mysterious person sitting next to me and had his hands wrapped around my waist. I could not see his face and the cold feeling of horror rose up to me as I did not want to be next to this person, whatever it is.

I woke up after that and thought it was one of the few sloppy dreams I had. The theme of marrying a mysterious person continued however. The following day, the dream was set in a grand ballroom where I was in a white summer dress, which I personally thought it was pretty, and I was dancing yet again with a mysterious partner. All I could see was a body in a tuxedo. I kept missing to see the face. Moving on, the dance floor slowly filled with tables and the atmosphere of the ballroom slowly turned grand with soft music and people filled the room. Everyone greeted me as though I was someone of importance. That was until I realised that my "white" summer dress was my wedding dress!

Once again, the sick feeling of commitment to a man that I did not know was nauseating. In the dream I was walking onto the stage where you had to sign the marital certificate. I remember looking at my mother and asking her whether it was the right thing to do and she nodded stating that I would be happier if I married that guy. My head frantically turned to search the room for my "groom" but he doesn't seem to be present in the room. I remember signing the paper but half way through..I woke up.

I told Mother of my nightly dreams and she said that I must be desperate to get married. I sighed and continued eating dinner. Thinking that it would not reoccur again as a coincidence, it did. This time it was a very obvious as it was set in a churh or chapel of some sort. And this time I was in a very grand, but old fashioned wedding dress. Remember back in the days when they had these ridiculously big poofy sleeves and big skirts supported by layers of can-cans? Well that was what I wore in the dream. Eww..I know.

However, in the dream, I wasn't too concerned with what I was wearing but what I was doing in it. A church and the wedding song? You've got to be joking. This time, I walked down the aisle with Mother and I could actually see the face of my "groom". Again, the dream fast forward the "I do's" and we returned to our seats. Reluctant to sit next to my "husband", I followed Mother and sat next to her, which was rows away from where I was suppose to sit in the front. An argument broke between Mother and I.

"Why do I have to marry him Mother?"

"Cause it's beneficial for our family. It was an arrangement.."

"Yeah, but all he wanted was our family business.."

Scooping up info from this short conversation, it led me to believe that I did not marry out of love but for business sake? And this guy wanted to marry me to get to the business our family owned. What an ass! Thankfully this was just a dream as also the guy I married was a middle age man that resembled this actor:

The one infront of course..

Then these dreams stopped all together. Why? Maybe because I tried dreaming of them to see the ending of these ill-fated unions. A few weeks passed until yesterday, when I sunk into a deep sleep where once again I was to be married. This time I was at my recent age - 17! A bit young don't you think?

Unlike other dreams, I did not get the sick feeling that I normally get but I actually anticipated in getting married which is unusually odd. I remember being alone with my future groom and I was trying out the wedding ring. Yet again the issue rises with me not being able to see his features. I only saw the eyes for a second and then I couldn't see as he turned away.

As I got to the wedding, I could see that it was going to be a huge one! Relatives from his side I suppose. But what was weird was that all his "relatives" were wearing Indian or Middle-Eastern clothing. The bride and groom were then called to the middle of the grand hall (when I say grand this time I mean HUGE! The interior was set with pure white marble and only dimly lit by candles which set off the romantic atmosphere). As we were called to give our vows, I pulled out only because at the last moment I realised that my groom-to-be was a Muslim and I had to convert. I have no grudge against Muslims but having to convert to get married? That's ridiculous. You just can't change someone's faith whilst getting married. If that's the case, may as well I say - "Hey! Why don't you be a Christian?"

Back to my ridiculous story, I pulled out but as a "punishment"(Don't ask me why ok? My dreams are slightly weird at times.), I could not leave the country I was in, assuming that I'm still in Australia as the sheikh said that I could not visit my home country, Europe or Africa. Freaking weirdo!

As my wedding party broke up, I went to look for friends for comfort (In the dream I took it for real and was rather upset about the whole situation as I thought I would be married) but no one seems to bother with me as if I did no exist. Friends I knew took the situation lightly or walked away. Is that a sign? I mean, for some of my friends to walk away when I'm in need? Shit friends I got then!

So that's that for the time being. I hope there's no more of these ill-fated marriages cause I hope that's not what my real wedding will end up to be. Till then, I hope to keep dreaming of marrying (which will never come true as he's married and lives on the other end of the world and is a celebrity..) Mr. Valo..heheheh

No Results

"What?! I waited a week just to get a response "to get an F-form"? Fuck..."

I was sitting in Mrs. McMahon's office as to ask why wasn't my application through. She is the vice-principle of Mountain Creek State High and somehow she was also responsible for the IB kids. She seems helpful enough to call, scan, print all the related documents for me. But now, it's in the hands of the nitwit administrators. Can't they see it is in the utmost importance? I'm running out of time.

All I can do is sit here and wait. Wait for nothing? I really want to get my fat ass out there and do something but I can't. Oh...behold! The weakling and the helpless...I feel so..dead. I have this strong urge to work but I can't. They make this process oh! so very excruciating. I hate waiting games.

Gympie Trip

"Try on this bag," said Mother as she handed me a marine-blue Roxy bag. Looking in the mirror it wasn't my type so I left it back on the rack. "It's your type of bag mum, big and Bohemian-looking..What do you think of this one?" I said as I pointed to a bright yellow Billabong satchel.

My mother actually bought me a bag! It's been forever and thinking back I'm not joking. The last time she bought me any bag was my very own personal check-in bag, a baby pink Samsonite. The last time she bought me one was a few years back, also a satchel in bright lime-green. Not a branded one, but it was pretty cool at that time when I was 15. That's the last time she bought me something that wasn't a necessity. Actually there were other things like a little music chime that plays Sound of Music when the handle is turned but that was like when I was throwing a hissy fit over something.

Back to the story..Yes..Where was I? Yes! She bought me a Billabong bag!! Woo! It's nothing like the top of the range brand but she actually got me something branded. Haha..I also treated myself to a grey Roxy polo shirt that was on a discount.

This shopping trip took place in a small deserted town of Gympie, one hour north of where I live on the coast. We would think it would be filled with tourists but we were disappointed to see that there were not many shops open. Andrew had to do a job and we girls were left alone to explore. Mother kidded that there was nothing open but the salon and we may as well spend it in there. Haha good old Mother - I still prefer the shopping though.

We came back out and went to other stores to look for more bargains but did not find anything else. I suspected that it was because it was a small and deserted town that the surf shop actually had a sale. A very good one too...some things were 50% off. My bag wasn't but my shirt was.

It was also a hot but rather gloomy day so we went into a small local cafe. I ordered a pineapple frappe and Mother and Andrew ordered a banana frappe..

After the refreshments, we headed to Pomona. Also another isolated town that reminds one of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie. I could not imagine myself living in such an area if I were to keep my sanity. We stopped at another cafe and this time, still melting due to the heat, I ordered a Mocha milkshake. I tried to think whether this was my first Billabong bag but somehow I could not remember until it hit me that I bought my first Billabong bag in Sydney, when I had to accomodate my extra shopping baggage. I think I annoyed Mother with my endless questions and comments about the bag but I somehow got obsessed with this bag.

Why? I don't really know. All I know is that I hated the colour yellow and now ended up with a yellow bag. It doesn't make any sense.

At night we decided to have Chinese food and went to the local chinese take-away restaurant. We ordered Mongolian Lamb, Beef Chow Mein, Special fried rice and Honey Chicken. Everything else was great except the Chow Mein. Here's why:

You call this Chow Mein? Looks more like fried worms!

Tuuli's 18th

"Omg! What the Hell is it??!!" as John, Tuuli and Mesha turned their heads and faced the fiery furnace (BBQ)...

It was my friend's 18th and it was also an opportunity to socialize. I caught the 4:55pm bus, thinking that it would head to Mooloolaba. I told the driver so but apparently he was deaf. The bus did not even freaking go past Mooloolaba. Instead, it went to the Plaza. Oops..


Upon arriving at the plaza, I checked the timetable for the next bus that actually went pass the designated place.

"Bus 600 to Caloundra. Time it arrives: 5.40pm."

Ok. Cool. I bumped into two of my school friends. One didn't seem so keen upon the sight of seeing me. Felicity chatted up and of course, not to mention the annoying process of Look at What I bought... I mean this chic was addicted to shopping. And I thought I was bad. Felicity is the type that would pay heaps of money on clothes and tries to keep up in fashion and plans on being a designer. Not to be a bitch but here's the truth:

1. She can't draw. Eventhough I may seem a hypocrite since I failed art but drawing is my forte.
2. Her sense of fashion isn't great either.

I don't know how go to on without sounding like a total ass so I won't. She asked me what's with the extra bag. I simply answered that I was heading to my friend's 18th, totally forgetting that I totally avoided hers. She caught me but I had a good come back about me studying hard in school. I suspect that she knows I'm bullshitting.

Keeping an eye out for Bus 600 whilst sitting in the vacant seat where my ex-schoolmates were, a weird looking guy sat down next to me and started a conversation.

"Hey!"

"Hey....." *looks away*

"Are you living on the coast?"

"Yeah.."

"So am I"

*No shit..*

"What are you studying in uni?"

"I'm applying"

"What for?"

"Journalism"

"Cool. I'm at Tafe doing a librarian course."

"You like books then?"

"Yeah, but I'm actually doing a course with computers."

"Cool."

This was a freaking retard. Hello? Can you not get the signs when I looked away and showed that I wasn't interested??!! He creeped the shit out of me. To top it off, the weirdo was on the same fucking bus! Thankfully he say somewhere else, but close enough to start a conversation and I could see that he tried to catch my attention. I looked away..

I arrived at Mooloolaba and quickly hopped off the bus. Looking back and checking that he wasn't off it too, I quick-walked to my friend's holiday apartment. Tuuli, was not in. She was at a bottle shop. I called up and she said to go upstairs as her friend, Kirsty was there. I got the receptionist to send me up.

Kirsty was a tall, brunette with glasses. She was very friendly to me and I thought she was rather nice. In the apartment as well, was a girl called Rachel. We introduced ourselves and quickly got onto a conversation. Sometime later, Tuuli came back with loads of drinks like Jim Beam & Cola, a bottle of vodka, Vodka Cruisers and etc. We helped unpack and shoved everything into the fridge. I downed one can of Jim Beam before the party even started as I was so thirsty and refused to drink tap water. Don't worry - I can't get high off one can.

Tuuli came back with one of her other friend, Ashley. One could tell she was a party-goer and is a total flirt. Time passed, Tuuli and Ashley dressed up whilst some of us stood around chatting away. I met some people I knew but they left around 10 and did not stay the night. The real party started around 12am.


Since Tuuli's was a penthouse, it also had a jacuzzi on the rooftop. And boy..what weird fun we had. Rachel was drunk and so was this random called Nigel. Nigel was a convict who got onto the wrong-side of the law. By the sounds of it, often. He brought his own supply of booze but did not responsibly drink it. His whisky bottle did not contain whisky but Sambucca. And this one had a high level of alcohol in it. Some reckoned it was 90%. By the time he finished the bottle, he was so drunk that he kept falling over. At that time it was funny, thinking that he was faking it. Until we realised he was actually really pissed. Some of us started to panic as he could not walk properly and he could not stay the night as Tuuli thought her parents were coming home. Nigle was dragged downstairs where he passed out in Tuuli's bed. Rachel, who had feelings for him, cried about his situation. Her panicking atttitude obviously had an effect on Tuuli, who then thought that it was alright that he could stay. Me, Tyson and Ashley disagreed.


In the beginning, when we were playing in the jacuzzi in our undergarments, most of us assumed that Nigel would go home once the party was over, so we were fine with it. He was 20-almost-21 but obviously he was not a responsible drinker. Downstairs, before the jacuzzi party, he had already finished half the bottle of it. Nigel boasted about being arrested by the police and how he had a warrant for his arrest. Tyson, Rachel and I was listening but we didn't really take it seriously. Rachel was already high by then, leaving only Tyson and I the only ones sober. It did not really hit us until we had a passed out convict in the apartment with us. The sole reason we wanted him to leave was that we did not want to take responsibility for a druk adult, moreover, one that has commited crime before. Tuuli and Rachel were the only ones wanting him to stay but both of them were intoxicated. Grabbing Nigel's mobile phone, Ashley called a number and asked someone to take him back. Rachel was thoroughly upset by that decision was made but we had it fixed and she was in no condition to handle it. Fucking hell, she was almost 2 years younger than me and was freaking drunk.


Happy and relieved that he was gone, I went for a nice hot shower to wear off the chlorine from the jacuzzi. Ashley was found asleep on the bed and the rest of them was in the living room. Tuuli, upset about a Nathan issue, Rachel half-asleep but drunk and calm and Tyson almost nodding off. Rachel fell asleep whilst Tyson, Tuuli and me had an interesting talk about life and also relationships. We did not sleep one bit.

Out of exhaustion we got our conversation "further"..hahah Me and Tuuli are still single and has not seen what is known to be a condom. Tyson had one and he took it out. Both of us looked like cave-women looking at the latest technology. Tuuli tore it open to find a rather slimy rubber instrument. Conviniently, they had bananas in their apartment and behold - a penis replacement. Ok- so we are experimenting cause we haven't seen one before and have been curious to death about it. I don't get how this is a taboo cause we're going to see one, perphaps use one in the future, so what's wrong with now?

Tuuli and I was rather freaked out about how big the condom will stretch and was rather worried about the size of the banana. Looks...excruciating...Giving a final look, I did something I wanted to do since I've first heard about a condom - to fill it up with water. And so I did.
Tying a knot, it ended up being squished and examined by the birthday girl. It felt soft and bouncy as if it was a toy.

Tyson had to leave and he gave Rachel and Ashley a ride home. He was suppose to pick me and Tuuli up at 11:30 am but somehow overslept our appointment. I was rather angry as I had to miss my bus and did not know the time for the next one. Tuuli and I got ready and decided to have brunch downstairs at a nearby restaurant. We chatted about the night's incident and realised it was rather weird.


Ok. Maybe I shouldn't say this but I must cause this is my journal and it's best to remember it this way. The jacuzzi party I was talking about was actually all of us at that time - Nigel, Rachel, Ashley, Tyson and me - in our undergarments cause no one thought of bringing our bathers and had a strip game. There you go! I know I will now be labeled as a




But hey it's life and you live it once and you do stupid things once in a while, even more likely if you have drunk 5 cans of alcoholic beverages. But here's the thing:


I was still sober.

I did not do anything gross like kiss a random I don't even know. Hell, I haven't kissed a guy in my entire life.

And third, last but not least -I'm still a freaking virgin!

So hell to you if you judged me before you knew me!

Cause I live with:

P.S: Tuuli, what happened in the jacuzzi stays in the jacuzzi.

Teardrops

A fast paced breathing can be heard from the room at the end of the corridor. Dreaming about what could go wrong is a nightmare for Mesha ever since. Dreams of no hope and no future, scared her the most. All she needed now is another chance if there is any left for her. Maybe not, luck and chance has ran out on her. What horrible fate lies ahead?



Looking at her cellphone every 30 minutes was painful. She was tired but yet she could not sleep, filled with anxiety to call the university when they open. It was a hot and sunny morning and the glare reflecting off the mirror pierced her eyes, causing her to wake. Everything seemed blurry and she fumbled for her watch.

8:35 am

"Great I can now call the university and see what they have to say about my application.."

Filled with such hope and prospect, Mesha picked up the phone and rang. A male voice about mid- twenties answered the phone.

"University of Queensland Administration Service. How may I help you?"

"I would like to enquire about my application status please. I'm international but applied through QTAC"

"You would have to contact the International Administration Service. I will put you through"

"Thank you"

It got through to an automatic response stating that they won't be open until 9 am. It was frustrating for Mesha as the waiting game is not her forte. It was killing her. Not knowing was the worst as she hated surprises when misfortunes can also come from the surprise box.

Waiting until 9, she called again using the number now provided to her so she could call the International Deparment. A lady picked up and asked her her name and DOB. Apparently there was a missing document - her results. Horrified, Mesha asked her what the lady could do for her. The lady was rather unhelpful and said that the Administrator will send a letter.

"Another few days? There has got to be a way..."

She hung up and Mesha decided to ring QUT to check. The same thing happened. Getting furious with the system here, she called QTAC to ask what has happened to her results. But no..QTAC recieved her results on the 7th! How dreadful!!

She decided to ring UQ again and this time a more helpful lady by the name of Emma Cushworth answered. She gave Mesha her email and told her to send a copy of her results.

"Shit. Another one of these dirty work for me? I don't have the papers as they were posted online and not by mail. God - this is frustrating. Everything seem to fall apart this year and I have hit hard-rock solid bottom"

Sleepover @ Tuuliki's

"A sandwich? What kind of sand....wait a minute....OMG!!"

With much strength and courage, I broke the hermit cycle. Finally out for the day and not coming home to sleep. It doesn't sound like a big improvement but a step outside for me is an accomplishment. Catching up with Tuuli online, I decided to have a sleep-over at her place. I mean, a nice bed with air-conditioning during summer and someone to talk to, hey! It's a great deal!

According to the timetable, the bus was suppose to arrive at 4:55pm, but knowing that the bus system normally runs late, I told Tuuli to wait at 5:30pm at the front entrance. Upon reaching and expecting a blond to receive me..I did not see anyone. Only the receptionist at that time. Running 10 minutes late, I called her cell-phone but no dialing tone even took place. The receptionist seemed friendly enough, so I told him that she lived on the tenth floor but ignorant as I am, did not remember the unit number.

"Hi there! How may I help you?"

"Erm..I'm waiting for my friend to come but she doesn't seem to be picking up her phone."

"Really? Do you know which unit she lives in?"

"No, I only know that she lives on the tenth floor."

"What's her name?"

"Tuuliki Talviste"

"Hmm..Doesn't seem to be anyone with that name..Perphaps Talvisbe?"

"No..Talviste.."

"Hmm..I will try calling this Talvisbe and just ask whether they know you..."

*dials number*

"Hello! Do you know a person named Mesha?"

*pauses*

"Maybe I can send her up instead? Sure sure.. Ok, she's living in Unit 102"

Great. She wasn't ready..and so I headed up the elevator to the tenth floor and knocked on the door. Opening the door was this beautiful looking blond woman. I couldn't recognise her for a second as it's been sometime since I've seen her with full make-up. Both of us was also wearing a blue dress. Our mission was to go to the plaza and watch a movie and actually somehow bump into her crush, Nathan.

Arriving at the plaza, we headed to buy the movie tickets for Enchanted. The queue resembled a snake. It was long but it was also the school holidays so there's no surprise to that. 7:10pm was the session that we watched and I felt bad about her not getting to see Nathan as that was our primary intention. The movie was good enough to make up for it so no complaints there. The last thing I want is to see her furious if Nathan was with another girl and she will probably not shut up about it for the rest of the night.

Enchanted was a lovely movie but depressing for us that are wanting a fairytale ending in our relationship. But over all, it was a great movie that sets us of into Dreamland.

The bus-catching was not so pleasant though. It was a late-night and teenage kids were hanging around mostly causing problems. It was packed full, like a tin of sardines and it smelled of BO from the guy standing next to us. It was nauseating when it permeates. Both of us had to breathe out of our mouths. To top it off, the bus did not stop at our designated area eventhough we pressed the STOP button and it was flashing. Asking a guy to plead to the bus driver to stop, he finally did around 1 km away. Moreover, it started to drizzle and then my big mouth said:

"I hope it doesn't pour"

Whooshh...Down came the rain on us and my make-up melted. As we walked into the apartment, her mother laughed at our misfortune. We dried off and chatted then night away about life, sex and problems. Annoying how life can be eh?

Living Room

Living Room and Kitchen

Balcony with a million dollar view. C'est magnifique!

Her mother woke us up at around 10:30am, which I had set my alarm clock to but it felt earlier as we did not sleep until 3 in the morning. I was just expecting maybe a sandwich or cereal for breakfast, but no! It was like a buffet, laid on the table was white bread and wholegrain, different sorts of meats, cheese, banana custard, chocolate custard, salad, juice and coffee. Her mother offered us porridge (not the chinese congee or porridge as we call it, the other one) and it was nice as it was warm and the surrounding air temperature was cool. Boy, I feasted like a princess!

A behavior of Tuuli's shocked me though. She gave the middle finger to her mum! What a disgrace! After all I thought she was different than other Caucasian children, it was a disappointing and awkward situation to be in. Another thing I wasn't used to was she not helping to clean up after breakfast. If you ever read this Tuuli, please change..It's rude to give the finger to your mother, especially when she has raised you better than others. Be grateful for what you have. Tuuli gave her point. I know now but you shocked me! Sorry!!

I had to leave at 2:30 pm though as the bus came at 2:40pm and there's no other bus till later in the day. It was a nice experience as I normally do not go for sleep overs. I'm getting more adventurous I guess.

Late Updates

"I saw it in the window and I knew I wouldn't change my mind. I could just imagine.."

Ah..The bliss of window-shopping is that you get to Browse at things so that you can imagine yourself owning it but knowing you can never get it. Grr..I don't understand how things can be so expensive..and it's not even labelled. In Australia, things are pricey but there are things that are cheaper, like iPods and mobile phones for example. Why don't I buy some to upgrade then? Cause I'm broke..Damn my Sydney shopping..I spent it all on clothes. Isn't it glorious being a woman? Knowing you can go bankrupt by just shopping? Haha..

Can you believe it? I was window shopping from far..and guess what I was attracted to? A men's suit!! Ok. Maybe I'm just weird. Or maybe the fact that only 0.01% of Australian men on the coast dresses up nicely has sent me crazy over suits. Ok. I shall shut up now and you can look.

Golden Compass - A Children's Movie?

“ I screamed in horror as I watched the polar bears fighting and one had his jaw punched off. Literally, the jaw flew in the air and the bear was dead.”

Violence is a theme that is now considered normal in our society. We see it everyday. We just ignore it, pretending that it will one day just go away. I met up with my old classmate to watch the Golden Compass at 7 pm, thinking it was just a kid’s show. Not really.

From a child’s point of view, I could see how it would entice the child to believe in fantasies and supernatural powers. As a maturing teenager, I see more than just make-belief. Elements of our world today have been cleverly manipulated into this movie. Power of the magisterial court and their effect on the society is a parody of our world today. Corruption and Greed occurs within the political body. Whether we like it or not, it’s the truth. Not one of the human government system can we say it’s perfect cause we’re not perfect, so how can our ruling systems be perfect?

“I need to get out. I needed new hope. I needed a new life”


Fresh air was all I needed. To breathe and feel as if there is a life ahead of me. For the past month, I’ve been a hermit in my own home. The furthest I would go was to the nearest supermarket, which was Woolworths to get some grocery done with Mother. I’ve been waiting until judgment day and it has finally arrived and it rained Fire of Destruction upon me. As said a thousand times, I cannot cry.

A distraction. That is what I needed. Tuuli came online and decided to get her to come out and see me. I needed an anger vent and she needed someone to talk about her “Love”.
She was good at distracting as I was sort of fond of listening to the things happening in people’s life as long as they are interesting.

I caught the 10:40 am bus from Chancellor Park to Mooloolaba, but as usual, the bus system in Australia runs late. Always. It’s never on time! Today it was 15 minutes late but I met up with an old friend from school, Steph. With great admiration, I see the great feats she has achieved. She completed a bartending course and with her volunteering skills at the Australian Zoo, she would definitely be the caretaker of the animals.

Rushing to Starbucks, I saw Tuuli in a hot bright pink dress which definitely enhances her assets. She greets me with a smile which makes me feel better already. I ordered the Mocha Java Chip and like the last time, she ordered the same thing. Forgetting that she hated coffee, I forgot to tell her that mocha is actually half coffee. Oops!
She drank most of it anyways.

For the week, she rented Sirocco’s at Mooloolaba whilst her parents were her. Curious to what the inside may look like, I decided to check it out! It was the most perfect place that I would die to live in. It was stylish and comfortable. A place like that cost around $6000 AUD.. OooO..I didn’t believe it at first so I snooped for the website and yeah, at a non-peak season rate was about $2500 for a 3 night minimum so just one and a half could make a hole in your pocket. But if you’re willing to pay for the scenery then go for it!! The view is stunningly beautiful.

Tuuli took the master bedroom. I was shocked as my mother would never let that happen. I was like:

“You’re pretty damn lucky!”

Both of us had a good time indoors ranting vent and going online and enjoying the cool air. Air conditioning- how I craved to have it in our unit! Later, we used the internet for the sheer reason of listening to music and watching music videos. Typical teenager eh?
Tuuli’s birthday was next week and it’s her 18th! Lucky pig..she can legally drink!!

On this coming Thursday, we planned to go late night shopping and watch Enchanted. Ok, I’ll tell you..The main reason is to get Tuuli mad and make sure she deletes a certain someone off her MSN. That would get it out of her system. And probably shut up about him.

I can’t believe we two actually shared the same taste in music, men and life. Our complications involved in it. Men- where shall I start? Both of us think that we’ll never meet a great guy before we’re 45. Tuuli’s problem is worse – she wants 6 kids. OMG!
I would only have one and that’s a most.

All we can’t believe is how so many people can just get the guy of their dreams and we sit here with envy filled eyes. I know it’s a long time to start thinking of a relationship this complex, but you’ll never know what’s it’s like to have someone to hold you tight and whisper sweet words to make you feel like the most loved person in the world. To know that you’re special to someone and that you can make a difference in their life. And most importantly, to love them back.

I advertised Russell Peters to Tuuli via YouTube and I think she had a good time with the jokes. It was about 7:15pm before we decided to head down to Mooloolaba Esplanade to get some dinner. Mother rang earlier and queried about my return.

“After dinner.”

Upon losing to who shall choose where to eat, I chose to eat at a restaurant called Karma Waters. She liked the music and I took the chance to try it. Apparently, she felt discrimination to our age. I didn’t notice it as my sensitiveness to these things fade over time. The waiter would ignore us. What can I say?

“We as young adults pose no difference as you adults. The only difference is that you can drink and be merry, perhaps the only way to be merry. But we kids, enjoy the benefit of being merry constantly. Our childishness is just a way to face reality, sometimes coping better than adults. However, we are ignored by this comment and left to be stereotyped as foolish, immature and naïve. No, I do not deny that we are naïve but we take the opportunity to learn, unlike those who think that they are wiser but the truth is that they are NOT.”

Please, Please Forgive Me, But I Won't Be Home Again

What did I say eh? Plan B does come in handy. Someone's been praying hard that I won't be going to UK. Whoever did that..I'm going to personally kill you! Oh..What's Plan B?

1. Stay in Australia and get into University of Queensland.
2. Hopefully find a way to get an overseas exchange program.

I cannot cry. It's not that I don't want to. I just can't. I try thinking of how it was all my fault and how I have ruined a golden opportunity. But I just can't cry. No tears. Just pain and sorrow. Sometimes, thoughts of just perishing floats in, but no...I'm too cowardly.

I try to understand, but life brings me one step back to hell. I yearn to succeed, yet lack the strength and perserverance. God - Help me..

Banished Dreams and Hopes

Sorry to all. Especially my mother and my sponsor, Michael. Yes, I freaking got my 24 points but I DID NOT get it. Am I crying? No. Should I be? Yes.

Why? Cause I can't get into a university in UK. Well, I think 2 uni's have rejected me but I think there's still some glimmer of hope. If not, I have to stay in this HELLHOLE!!!

Here's my results:

1. English HL: 4
2. Spanish SL: 5
3. Geography HL:3
4. Biology SL: 5
5. Maths SL: 4
6. Visual Arts HL: 2

WTF???? Arts a fucking 2?? I thought it was my forte! Obviously not. HAha maybe the teacher just hates my work. A 2, utterly ridiculous...

Tired Of Waiting

Couldn't get hold of the teachers in the morning. Tell me - How much more frustrating can you get? You get all nervous and ready to face it but you don't get it. More waiting. Torture.

Most of my friends know their scores and there are a fair few that didn't get it. Tell me about pressure!! There's such a huge difference in scores. The ones that passed had very high grades. Those that didn't make it.. well..maybe some are just short of a mark.. Get it???!!! One friggin' mark can decide whether you get the Diploma or not.

I'm praying really really hard. Let's see my condition, shall we??
If I don't pass, it will mean that I will have to stay in Australia. Not good, but still better than Malaysia. Moreover, pity my poor Mother, she will then have to cancel my flight ticket to Malaysia. So all of you wanting me to return, pray!!
If I Pass: I shall be going to England!! And also returning to Malaysia for 5 months. That means I get to mingle with my friends and having a stress free life..

I'm panicking

Hmm..Quiz?

Here’s how it works:Use the first letter of your name to answer each question. Must be places, names…Nothing made up. Can’t use own name for boy/girl’s name question. If can’t answer, skip to next one.
1. Famous Singer: Madonna
2. Four Letter Word: Most
3. Street: Main Street
4. Colour: Maroon
5. Gifts/Present: Mug
6. Vehicle: Motorbike
7. Things in Souvenir Shop: Magnets
8. Boy Name: Mikael
9. Girl Name: Melissa
10. Movie title: My Father, Romulus
11. Drink: Malibu (yum yum)
12. Occupation: Make-up Artist
13. Celebrity: Mischa Barton (I loathe her..)
14. Magazine: Mademoiselle
15. U.S. City: Minneapolis
16. Pro Sports: Baseball
17. Fruit: Mango
18. Reason for Being Late to work: My grandmother died
19. Something you throw away: Moth-eaten clothes
20. Something you shout: Mother-****** (kidding..i wouldn't swear but...)

Results!! My Doom or Resurrection?

My results were suppose to come out on Sunday but there was this change of plans. My ex classmate, Sarah, popped up on MSN with a "great" news.

"What did you get?"

"What? What do you mean? We haven't got our results yet."

"Nope. We got them today. They came out early. The school called us."

Shit.....I checked my mobile phone earlier and there was a missed call notification. At first I thought it was one of my friends. It was all falling into place now. I nearly had a heart attack, with cold sweat down my palms and I was shocked. Earlier? Damn me.

I had a sense of impending doom. Like something was about to hit me back. I'm normally care-free. Don't believe me? Ask my mother - she will tell you that I don't give a damn about anything. Not this time.. I had all my back-up plans ready.

This IB Diploma program is a waste of time. It is not only harder but once you fail, it's like your life is over. You just can't get into university. Well I'm talking about a good uni here, not those murah ones.

Gah. To make matters worse, I sent an email to the uni I am hoping to attend and asked them what happens if I don't get my 24 points. They sent back a letter saying that if I don't get it, I don't get in. Fuckkk....No sleep for me today..

*I'm Praying Hard*

Kiss Of Dawn Video

Ville Valo of H.I.M

[Beware! Bimbo Blog Ahead!!]

Finnish bands. Wow. They have produced some major good bands lately. I'm impressed. I normally don't like metal with a guy as a lead singer but Valo has certainly got his grip on this genre - Love Metal.

I got $20 for my iTunes shopping spree and ran across H.I.M and watched the new video Kiss Of Dawn. Damn! Ville Valo is hot! His dreamy eyes is enough to send me into euphoria. I rarely like guys with tattoos but this is exceptional.

Don't you hate it when you can't get it?

I surrendered my soul in his eyes..

Damn it..I'm hopeless aren't I?

Russell Peters - The Indian Comedian

Not long ago I've watched a show on tv called the Montreal Comedy Festival. Comedians from all over the world come to perform. Some were funny and some were just plain. Until an Indian came on stage. Wow. If you close your eyes, you could have sworn he was a pure Canadian.
His antics are so real it is really funny. Funny cause what he has said is pretty much true! His comedies are based largely on his Indian heritage and parodies about his father. He has some racial comedies but come on, be a sport and don't take it to the heart. Watch it! This vid goes for 45 minutes..or more and this ensures hilarity! Enjoy!!

Gourmet Club

"Food! Glorious Food!.."

Yes. Food. The sustenance to our life. Food is indeed important.

Not only to sustain us and provide us with nutrients but also to tingle our taste-buds. Chefs around the world creates delectable food to please our lust for more.

I dreamt of times when I would go and explore the land, in search of the weird and exotic foods of this earth and make note on it. I dream big.

To start off my little dream, I'm starting a club..A Gourmet Club! This idea was founded with my new friend Sue, a Malaysian blogger. Our love for food has created this little gathering.

OurMy aim is to go around Malaysia first and try delectable food.

Or just share the experience!! We are just looking for people who loves food and can proudly say:

I live to eat

Interested? Let me or Sue know!

Our latest member is Jon!!!

Woo!!That makes 3.

Lol

Comfort or Fashion?

Fashion. We are dominated by it. We percieve people by what they wear and how they look like. I am not the one to say that I'm not like the rest. Yes. Sometimes I do try to look good but sometimes don't you just feel SO tired of trying to keep in the trend? Or being scrutinized by others just because you wore something that is out of the fashion sense? Seriously..

Fashion. The major cause in making us girls feel bad.

"Oh! I'm too fat. I need to lose weight. See that model there. That's what I want to look like.."

Fashion =Anorexic girls - I used to be one. A victim of Fashion. Was being bullied by peers cause I was overweight. Let me say something. What you say have the power to change someone's life dramatically. You may even drive a person to suicidal attempts if you keep taunting them. Don't. Wisely tell them that you care for them and tell them the truth and help them. In reality girls, men like women with flesh on their body. That's right. Men prefer women with breasts and curves. Voluptious. Main key is Confidence.

What's even worse is when some splurges huge amounts of money on a single item. Why? Cause they need to be in the trend. I had a friend who would spend heaps on shopping. Some times it is nice to indulge yourself in shopping but when you overdo it then..you're just stupid.

Fashion. Sometimes you do stupid things that you think that makes you look good cause you're in the trend but in reality you look stupid. Remember those really low cut jeans? Hipsters as we used to call them. Behold! People flashin their butt-cracks everywhere. Especially upon sitting down.

I'm not against fashion fully but understand. Fashion is when you are at the right place and right time. Not when you need conveniency to move about easily. I'm a girl and I love dressing up - so don't get me wrong. Make-up is also important to me. Without it, no matter how much you dress up and look ugly later, well, too bad.

Here's bit more about me ok? This a message to all readers.

One: I hate, absolutely hate it when you judge and criticize me for what I wear. Why? I've got spunk and funk and I dress what I like. Criticize me in your mind all you like but leave me alone. You're not perfect either. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Unless you're voted as the most beautiful person on this planet, judge yourself before you judge others. And oh, open your eyes to the situation before saying things. I only respect those that think before they talk. I can be random but that's different.

Look. I can dress great if I want to.

Two: I'm straight-forward. Tell me shit and I accept it and try to change it. But be mean - your messing with the wrong girl. I can be really mean.

To those that I have may offended in this post, you have my greatest apology. But it comes to a time when I get really frustrated. It keeps reoccuring to me and this is just a public declaration.