A friend of mine once told me that you will know when the right person is there for you. Before all this heartache, I asked him: When will I be treated the way I have treated them? Will anyone love me more than I love them? To be treated nicely and in a respectable way, unselfish and unconditionable?
"One day, you'll find the person who will love you for who you are. You'll just have to wait"
I guess with my impatient and naive behaviour, I fell straight for the two people who seemed right but never was. But oh! The joy of the thought of being in love was too strong and I gave into temptation.
The result? Disasterous..
The first one, I was young and naive but was basically blinded by love that I couldn't see that she wasn't the right one to be partnered up with but only great as friends. My stupidity resulted in the loss of friendship. The second one was infatuated with me, but never really liked me. I thought I wouldn't be that stupid to fall for someone, but even in the beginning, he had all the qualities I wanted. In the end, I found out he was a selfish man who used me to satisfy his own desires. Both, shattered my heart. I am still finding the shards to piece it all back together but with each shard, I bleed.
I know I am young. I know I have my whole life ahead of me and repeatedly I have stated once so many times, how sick I am of looking. Maybe I envy those couples who've married their sweetheart from high school. Or married their second boyfriend? Being single, in a way, is nice - having the freedom to do what you want and not worry about what other people are thinking of you. You don't have commitments. But when you come back home, it's sad to think that no one is waiting for you. No one is missing you other than family, but I suppose that is to be expected.
Being in a relationship, however, is different. It's nice, being able to care for someone and return be cared for. Being able to love someone and hopefully in return, be loved. And it is for that reason alone, I want to find someone who I can love and be loved in return. I am sick for searching. There are 6 billion people on this planet and there will definitely be more than one person that will be right for you. There is no use trying to keep looking for something better...
Anyways, back to the topic. There's a new man in my life. Fast enough as it is, I guess I finally woke up from what I was doing with Mr.Bf #2. Although being in love, I was ready to wait for him until he was ready to be commited to someone, but then at the same time, I was being used like a doormat. I didn't mind it until Mr. Bf #3 came along.
I guess I am happy that I found someone who treated me the way I have always wanted them to. But somehow inside, I have created a shield around the shattered heart. I am still afraid to let him in. Maybe it's a good thing. Takes things slow in terms of emotion. I'm afraid that he'll go away too, as they always do. It's always been like that, they like me, wants me to be in a relationship with them, I opened up my heart to them, they leave me.
I don't want him to leave. I guess when I say the words that I would be the one to run, I selfishly wanted to be the one who doesn't get hurt again. It's been enough for the year 2009.
"People's feelings change easily. All that one sees could be an illusion.
Nothing is for certain"
"One day, you'll find the person who will love you for who you are. You'll just have to wait"
I guess with my impatient and naive behaviour, I fell straight for the two people who seemed right but never was. But oh! The joy of the thought of being in love was too strong and I gave into temptation.
The result? Disasterous..
The first one, I was young and naive but was basically blinded by love that I couldn't see that she wasn't the right one to be partnered up with but only great as friends. My stupidity resulted in the loss of friendship. The second one was infatuated with me, but never really liked me. I thought I wouldn't be that stupid to fall for someone, but even in the beginning, he had all the qualities I wanted. In the end, I found out he was a selfish man who used me to satisfy his own desires. Both, shattered my heart. I am still finding the shards to piece it all back together but with each shard, I bleed.
I know I am young. I know I have my whole life ahead of me and repeatedly I have stated once so many times, how sick I am of looking. Maybe I envy those couples who've married their sweetheart from high school. Or married their second boyfriend? Being single, in a way, is nice - having the freedom to do what you want and not worry about what other people are thinking of you. You don't have commitments. But when you come back home, it's sad to think that no one is waiting for you. No one is missing you other than family, but I suppose that is to be expected.
Being in a relationship, however, is different. It's nice, being able to care for someone and return be cared for. Being able to love someone and hopefully in return, be loved. And it is for that reason alone, I want to find someone who I can love and be loved in return. I am sick for searching. There are 6 billion people on this planet and there will definitely be more than one person that will be right for you. There is no use trying to keep looking for something better...
Anyways, back to the topic. There's a new man in my life. Fast enough as it is, I guess I finally woke up from what I was doing with Mr.Bf #2. Although being in love, I was ready to wait for him until he was ready to be commited to someone, but then at the same time, I was being used like a doormat. I didn't mind it until Mr. Bf #3 came along.
I guess I am happy that I found someone who treated me the way I have always wanted them to. But somehow inside, I have created a shield around the shattered heart. I am still afraid to let him in. Maybe it's a good thing. Takes things slow in terms of emotion. I'm afraid that he'll go away too, as they always do. It's always been like that, they like me, wants me to be in a relationship with them, I opened up my heart to them, they leave me.
I don't want him to leave. I guess when I say the words that I would be the one to run, I selfishly wanted to be the one who doesn't get hurt again. It's been enough for the year 2009.
"People's feelings change easily. All that one sees could be an illusion.
Nothing is for certain"
