Rant of the Month

It only feels like yesterday that I have moved into a new place and I have only just settled in but yet, I'm sitting here wondering "When will I ever have a place called home?". It is amazing how much junk can accumulate over time and 3 years worth is alot of shit.

She doesn't even want to be friends anymore. When asked the question whether she wants to be, I get a question as a response "Why should we be?". Despite our many arguments, I'd never thought that someone could so easily forgo a friend. I said that we should be for old time's sake. "No. Not after everything that has happened". For her, she took the alternative path, for us to go our own ways. It is indeed better for her and me I guess, but she makes it sound as if I'm the one that causes all the pain. I wonder if she can see that she is also the one that caused me alot of heartache and pain.

Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again

Maybe someday you'll look up, and barely conscious you'll say to no one,
Isn't something missing?
You won't cry for my absence I know.
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Eventhough I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again
I know what you did to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out
Isn't something Missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed,
I'll bleed knowing you don't care
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there..

-Evanescence [Missing]

I guess you've found someone else to love. Someone who could make you love her as she is. My hate, frustrations and anger has faded away. In the end, I guess deep down I still love you. Be free and be happy although to many, you still are a bitch [everyone thinks you are and I probably am one in your friends' eye.]

I am still packing away. Succumbing to a new strain of flu. I think it's time to invest in multi-vitamins and flu boosters.

Retaliation

This is something she wrote and also probably why I fell for her in the first place and decided to give it all a go. In the end, it was all just a lie. Go ahead and read.

Sometimes Mr. Right’s a SHE

It seems that every woman is looking for the perfect man. The one and only Mr. Right. Does this Mr. Right really exist? I myself really do believe that he really does. But sometimes, he’s a she.

Please don’t give me the crap about God made Adam and Eve instead of Adam and Steve. I will choose not to go into details about what I think of Christianity. It takes up too much time and brain cells to actually make people understand how my brain works.

Back to Mr. Right… The perfect man would be loving, caring, sensitive, good looking, intelligent, diligent, independent, ambitious… and the list goes on. But as we all know, there’s no such thing as perfect. So why can’t a tom be Mr. Right? (I’ve decided to use the term ‘tom’ as butches didn’t seem to cover the right amount of people while ‘tom’ is more subtle and easier to identify with)

I dare say that 99% of toms in the world share similar characteristics with the idealized “Perfect Man” or Mr. Right. We are loving, caring, sensitive, protective and loyal. Loyalty is probably the trademark of all toms. Why do I say that? Well, the perfect example would be to look at a tom like a little puppy. An adorable, playful and loyal puppy that no one wants. A tom is like a puppy cause no matter how badly you treat the puppy, it will still stay by your side. It will be sitting there with pleading eyes that says “Love me, please?”. But no one ever stays to love them… maybe once in a while they’ll stay, but not for long.

Speaking from personal experience, I have yet to meet a tom who hasn’t has her heart broken. Our hearts are broken so often and very often by the same girl. And yet we still choose to love that one girl. We would give anything and everything to be with her. But it never seems to be enough.

And always so often we see the girl that we love get hurt again and again by guys who she thinks are Mr. Right. But all we can do is stay by her side, wishing and wishing that she would one day realize that the right one is right there in front of her. But it is almost impossible thanks to the mindset of the society that frowns upon people like us. We say we’re born like this, it’s innate. They say we will burn in hell for choosing this way of life.

Do you think we CHOSE to be like this? We weren’t given the luxury of choice.

To all the girls who have had a tom by her side, please open your eyes and most importantly your heart. It doesn’t hurt when you say you don’t want us, it doesn’t hurt when you say we are wasting our time. At least not as much as when you say that you love us, but can’t be with us because of our sex. Personally, I’d rather hear the girl I love tell me that she doesn’t love me for I’m not good enough rather than hearing her say how much she loves me and want to be with me but can’t because I’m a girl.

This is just something for all the PLUs who have heard the lame excuse “I’m sorry but I can’t be with you because you’re a girl”. I think that sentence is bullshit because it’s not the sex that matters… it’s the feeling."

When there is finally someone there who actually fell for you, you took it all for granted. Amazing how things work in this life, doesn't it?

希望你会永远的心碎和寂寞

A Whole New Look? Probably Keeping it ....

Ok. Got my hair chopped right off. I seriously could not be fucked these days to keep my hair long especially when split ends kick in [inheriting thick coarse hair is a pain at times]. So much easier now to wash and day. Although it also means blow-drying so that it maintains its volume.

When I mean short, almost boy short. In terms of Asian pop-boy-band short.. and even shorter than them.

Here goes.

Ok. So, I haven't cam-whored in a long time. Gimme a break.

Moving Out

I just moved to a new place from Wilson not long ago, June 14th. Now there is an option of me moving into my best friend's place. Should I or should I not? Sometimes you get so comfortable living with that person, you don't want to leave your comfort zone. It was ok for awhile. Now it's just... so.. indescribable. I want her there but I don't as well. My mind is in such a state of confusion. I wouldn't know from wrong to right.

Fuck. What should I do?

Hypocrites - You're Not as Mature as You Seem to be.

You are a filthy lying hypocrite. Do you know that? All the things I've said are done mostly unintentionally and I strived to change for the better. On the other hand, you're just lying your way through. Save the hassle of trying to be a "nice" person when your actions speak louder than words, my friend.

You told me that I was immature, spoilt, naive, clingy and depressed. Ok. So the truth hurts, but what doesn't kill me makes me stronger right? You, on the other hand, may seem to be all so perfect - judging others and lying so that the person would not have to end up this way. You are just a fucking hypocrite. I've tried to be nice and make you feel happy but you end up abusing this and further more, using me. You don't fucking care. What is the point of being nice when you are so not being friends. That was my aim.

Let's see. You scrutinized me for stealing/using your friends. What about mine? They may not be as close to me but you've just taken over my friends. Congratulations. You don't like public display of affection. You hugged a tipsy girl as if she was your GF. Do you care about your ex? No. You didn't care when I disappeared. You wouldn't know whether I was dead or alive or whether I was sick or not. Did you know where I was when you left me on my own? I was sick and almost as drunk as your friend and was in the toilet for most of the time. Admit it! You just don't care.

I asked you if you wanted to go for a walk and relax somewhere with me as a nice gesture. You declined it by stating you want to stay home and sleep. Where are you now? You're not even home. You said you needed to do laundry. What happened then?

Although in my heart, I am still in love. There will always be a point where enough is enough. You're just a fucking hypocrite. Just tell me the truth for once. You can't see it but if I told you what other people thought of you too, you'd be surprised. But yet again, I know you don't care. Cause that's the way you are. You tried to change me. Have you tried changing yourself? That in itself is just plain, pure hypocrisy. Open your eyes, and see what you have done wrong in yourself.

Just don't cause so much pain for me. My heart breaks each time you do this kind of shit. I'm just so sick of it but I just can't let you go. I've tried. It's not working. Someone please tell me how to remove my heart and bury it deep down the depths of Davy Jones' Locker. I hate you as much as I still am much deeply in love.