My Lost Heart

I've been online so often lately that Mother has even threaten to disconnect my Internet connection. Is that addiction? Maybe or maybe not, the reason behind all these idling and wastefulness of time is due to my extreme boredom. This extreme boredom is a pure result of me finishing high school. I really do not know what to do now. In the midst of packing and selling things I do really want to pick up a course but then I'll be leaving here in a few months time and it will really be no use.

Since Mother pinched the Internet to search for the flight tickets to return back to KL, I was then starting to fidget with my fingers that were so used to now typing. I rummaged through some of my belongings and found a Visual Art Diary. I bought it almost 6 months ago and I had only used up a page of it. I realised that I have not spent time what I do best - Drawing.

Some people will call me emo or goth but who really cares. I draw what I like and no one is going to stop me. I still dwell over the issues of heartaches and depression as I find inspiration for my artworks. Why? I can't explain. I'm just attracted to the Dark side of Death, Blood, Depression and Suicide that comes from Heartaches.

It has been such a long time since anime drawing and I was looking at some of Nikki Wong's work. I admired her since I met her and saw her artworks. She is an amazing anime artist and I can see a promising future in that department. She did inspire me but it was also of her that I had lost all confidence in myself. Why? Because then I did not feel good enough. Then a light appeared to me and then I saw what I failed to see before.

Just because she is better than you doesn't mean you give up. There are people better than you and there will always be people who can do things better than you and that don't let that affect you. Determined, I brought out my Mechanical Pencil (I have always used Mechanical Pencils from Pilot to draw. The reason is that it allowed precision and I think nothing else can replace that for me) and Artliners. Since I cannot paint (lack of confidence in myself and also despise the cleaning work afterwards) I took out my colour pencils.

I remembered how a teacher once said to me that I lacked individuality in my drawings, I made up a character based on me. Me Me ME..Vain? No just that I cannot think of any other characters. I just used what I have to inspire my character. ME.

Little sketches here and there, lightly as to avoid permanent damage to the page, I created my very own me. This book will act as my diary of drawings where my emotions are let free. I also like writing stories or pretend as if I can write as good as any other authors. Then realising the amount of words cannot replace the expression through my drawings, I limited the amount of words used to make it simple. Here just half of my work, it is yet to be complete..It takes alot of time planning, drawing and re-drawing to make sure the right message is sent to the readers.