Screw Up

Oh yes.

My biggest fear has come true.

I bombarded his emails.
No response.

And if you think that isn't desperate enough, I called and left him some 6 miss calls and one voicemail.

No response.

I chat him up on Skype.

No response.

This is fucking great isn't it? Someone I thought was reliable, now screwed me over. Please, if you didn't want to support, say it to my face. Don't leave me hanging here. If he had excuses with personal or business problems, at least tell me so I don't have to put up with this kind of shit. At least then I'll have a clear plan as to what I can do to save my own sorry ass.

I've been panicking although there is nothing I can do. The feeling of hopelessness is making me lose it. Nothing else has brought me to this exact feeling right now. Not even me failing the IB and had so much problems with the uni applications.

It's Friday night your time. Banks are closed and what the fuck am I going to do now?

This is Mesha.
And she is screwed..

HELP?

I think this will be the most personal and insecure blog I have written in a very long time. Now that I look back, I can see how immature I have been over the past few years. For once in my life, I feel so hopeless and insecure about my future.

Some of you that knows me personally might perceive me to be this kinda cheerful girl that rambles on complete bullshit at times.

I am not her. That's just an image that I hold to disguise who I am on the inside.

My sponsor hasn't been responding to the emails I sent concerning my uni fees and I told him that it has to be sent this week. I told him somewhat 2 weeks prior as to how much I need and that it has to be in by this week.

Nope. No response.

I don't know who to turn to and how to react. I am somewhat in a shock state.

The fees aren't due yet, but I must say it's soon. Soon as in February 10, 2009 soon. The total cost of my semester fees? $9,600AUD.

Yup. That's a shitload of money and if he doesn't send, I'm pretty much fucked. My mother has offered to send me some if it has come down to that situation, but she's financially tight too. AND that money that she is offering comes from her own savings. Taking that out from the term deposit means she is going to lose somewhat $2000AUD worth of interest. For that reason alone, I do not want to financially burden my mother. She has already gone through enough for me. But that the hell am I going to do?

She's already in a panicking stage and so am I.

Where the fuck am I going to get that kind of money if he doesn't send?

It's partially my fault. I look back and see how stupidly I wasted my money on unnecessary items that I do not really need. It was just a "I want" attitude that I had and now I'm sitting here full of regret, frustration and the only thing I can do is sit here and PRAY that he sends it soon. Even next week would be great.

But to prepare myself, I have to think of the worst scenario. What the fuck am I going to do?

I don't have any real friends that I can seek for help. And even if I really do, who's going to give me a loan of $10,000AUD?

None right?

I used to rant about stupid things such as I'm single blah blah blah, which is true, but in the end, it is not as huge as the situation I'm in.

Omg. I'm literally breaking down due to the panick attacks I'm getting every few hours when I'm not distracted by work and other house chores.

I really am alone in this situation. The only thing that drives me forward is that I have only myself to rely on and not break down. I have to be strong.

It's not like I have a choice anyways. If it's not me that is holding myself together, who will? Who will sit together with me and get me through this rough patch?

No one.

I still can't believe I'm actually getting into a uni and it's only a short 2 years away of completing my degree and I have to be in this situation. Fucking great isn't it?

If I don't enrol, the case would be that I'd get kicked out of Australia and try to reapply for the semester in June/July. The problem is: Where the hell am I going to store 3 years worth of stuff that has been accumulated over the 3 years that I have been here in Australia?

Like I said, I don't have that many close friends here that will pull me out of this shit!

My god. My child-like behaviour last year has really taken it's toll on me, and I'm definately beating myself up for that stupid mistake.

But no use crying over spilt milk. The deed is done.

Thankfully, [thanks to Kelvin], I have a great part-time job at the cafe in the university that is sustaining me for the time being. That's what I'm living off at the moment. There's barely enough food at home too in this point of time. I feel so degraded and this IS how low I am.

Zomfgwtfbbq normally uses a quote "Harden the Fuck Up". Believe me I am. That's the quote that's holding me together now.

Mesha is no longer the girl you think you know.

I'm someone... else.

Overall, I guess this is a lesson. To be wise financially. And also, how alone I am when I'm in shit.

Burps

I cannot burp.

Seriously.

This has been occuring for a few days, where I can feel the gale in my tummy ready to emerge to cause some havoc, but it just won't come up.

I suspect it is the Coke's fault, but it normally comes up it is needed!

Anyone has any suggestions as to what could be done to relieve my inner-tornado?

*Tummy rumbles*

CNY on the Cbox: Cow Madness

And just when I thought I was normal. It all started off this afternoon where I came in and laughed my ass off and WAS ACTUALLY PLEASED that my nickname had remained normal as Mesha. Other chatters had their name changed in celebration of Chinese New Year: Year of the Ox. I came back a few hours later and BAM.

Mooosha.

WTFreak?

Kenny always lurks and probably saw that I was actually happy being normal.

Or should I say Kenniuuu?

Yes! We made him change too! *does a jig*

See! See!



Other chatters have been changed too!

Munaksss -Mooonaksss
RJ - RJ the Buffalo
Stan - Steak
zomfgwtfbbq - zomfgwtfbbq beef steak (afternoon) --> zomfgwtfbbq beef burger
Stellix - Stell-ox
Nicola - Nicowla
Zoe - Zo-ox
Wenpink is nice - Wenpink is a cow
Naeboo - Naemoooo
Guy Fawkes - Cow Fawkes

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

GONG XI FA CHAI!

Ang Pau Na Lai!

First Nuffnang Gathering in Perth

No. I'm not some pretentious, wanna-be famous blogger just cause I went to a Nuffnang event. I really wanted to see and interact with some of the local bloggers here in Perth.

Guess what.

Perth's Nuffnang gathering was small.

I mean really small. Like what? Some 20 bloggers?

From right to left: Will, [I have no clue who], Vern Tee, Martyn, Me, Marie and her friend.

Bottom image: Ming and Vern Tee

Ok. The bright side of things is that I've met Karen Cheng and a few other interesting bloggers like Vern Tee and Will. Oh not to mention Ming [co-founder of Nuffnang] and Martyn [Nuffnang Australia Supervisor].

Karen Cheng and I

Nuffnang's co-founder, Ming.

Going to such meetings where they actually gave a speech really made think. Should I do Advertising and Marketing as my minor? Or should I go for PR instead?

O_O

Decisions, decisions, decisions....

*Head explodes*