25th November 2007

Awoken by Mum whilst she burst into my room screaming, “Why aren’t you up yet? You know you’re suppose to go to the meeting today and still sleeping in? Tsk tsk..” I dreamily looked up to her and in response I said that I did set my alarm on my mobile phone. The phone has given me troubles before and it was annoying. Thankfully this only happened once during my school days. I was late as usual and getting ready quickly in the morning wasn’t what I expected, especially on a Sunday.

The Circuit Overseer (CO) had a special speech and therefore the attendance at the Kingdom Hall was higher than usual. I ashamedly thought about Maxime and him leaving throughout the meeting and missing his French- Asian jokes and how I was going to be so late. Looking back now, it is a shameful habit of being selfish.

The meeting was also a bit longer than usual and me being a person that likes to be on time was fretting about being late to Max’s farewell gathering. I (once again, ashamedly) rushed mum to leave and head home. Had a quick change into shorts and grabbed towel and sunscreen. Max, Sarah, Meisha, Michael and Angie were already there and they were snacking away on hot chips. Nothing really happened in Mooloolaba Beach. To me it was just an ordinary day with people flocking there to tan as it was a rather sunny day. Angie and Meisha left early and we were then joined by Sam and Janelle. I realized that it wasn’t the group that I hung out anymore and pondered on leaving. It’s frustrating as it is hard to describe how I feel. Have you ever felt that you’re in a group that you don’t belong in? No matter how much you try you just don’t fit? That’s how I felt. Leaving was a coward’s choice but I was in no mood to entertain myself in a group. I’d rather entertain myself alone. So there. I said my farewell to Maxime.

Then, there I was enjoying the lonely walk to Loo With The View. It’s amazing how much more you observe when you’re alone. I decided to pamper myself and went to the movies. Ben reminded me of Lauren – she’s a strong believer in the Truth and she doesn’t watch anything affiliated with supernatural themes or “demonic” movies. Surprisingly for a Non-Witness, Ben believes in the same thing. It really opened my eyes towards what was really going on the in the world. Not all are bad –just misguided. I admired their persistence.

Left to Right: Michael, Angela and Maxime

I was going through my own demons- I felt so frustrated of being lonely, having no friends here. One may say that I’m ungrateful but no I am with my situation, just that I have no one to really share time with.

It is so hard resisting the movies that I grew up with – horror movies. Instead, following Ben’s and Lauren’s example, I chose a movie non-affiliated with supernatural movie, Lost In The Wild. It turned out to be a story about a young man trying to find happiness in the wild rather than the materialistic dreams of the modern world. It is based on a true story which really amazes me. The moral of the story was “Happiness can only be found when shared”.

I always thought that I could make it alone –without any friends. With just that sentence it made me realize that I do need people or just someone to rely on and share problems with.

A Full Day

Second time helping Ben again. It may seem odd but yes I do like helping people. There are times when I don't like helping people but then you realise in life that you have to give back to society. This is what I'm doing now, helping others. It's much easier though when everything is finished, meaning school's over. It is also strange when you've spent 12 years of your life in school, slaving away to homework. My 2 years in Mountain Creek has certainly changed my life - anti social...

He picked me up at 12pm and we headed to the Woolies in Chancellor Park. Ran in and got some fruit - Plums and White Peaches. Being a healthy and fit person, we had healthy snacks too..Roasted Nuts! It contained chick pea, almond and horsenut. The queue for the cashier was HUGE!! Ben seemed rushed and handed me $30 to pay for the snacks whilst he ran over to Subway for the sandwiches. I personally started disliking Subway cause Mum and I bought so much Subway when we first got here. It is nice once in a while.

When we arrived at the gym, we had some moving around and setting up to do. I won't go into details but having seen an adult work makes me realise that I do actually miss school. At 3pm, his family and friends arrived. It was funny to see Ben nervous and it is SO easy to spot him thinking away. He's like me. He goes all silent and his eyes would move around.

I was the photographer for the day (embarassingly..I wonder what he thought of my other photos of the Kick-boxing? Actually..no hold that thought. I don't want to know what he thought of those photos!!) The lighting in the room had suffice light and the photos turned out better. Phew..I had a sigh of relief. Ben had games installed for his family and friends and it was nice to observe his enthusiasm for training others and making it fun so that people would get encouraged to work out.

After all of that, food was being served and certificates of appreciation was handed out. Ben's mother seemed really nice and she'd smile all the time. Lol. She was very "friendly" too. I don't mean it in a bad way but she gave me her home phone number and also her personal mobile phone number, even though I barely knew her. Ben's dad looked fiercer and I was pretty scared of him as he had the typically Chinese look. After that, I helped clear things out and back to my place. Ben couldn't thank me enough but it feels as if I owed it to him for the bad photos I took. But it is also nice to see someone to have a grin on their face from appreciation. We planned to do something later and maybe watch a movie.

Mum called me and asked me whether I wanted to go for dinner. I hesitated a bit as wanted to watch a movie with Ben. Fortunately, I had to shower and mum couldn't wait and left as their booking was for 7pm. I was home alone so I decided to ring Ben and say that I was free in the evening.

We decided to watch The Heartbreak Kid with Ben Stiller in it. It was good though I did not expect to see so much sex scences in it. I am rather open, but it did feel weird with a male friend next to you. It reminds me of a saying, "Love makes us blind but marriage is the eye opener."

When I think about life, it's sad. I like to spend it with someone but I have always been alone. I keep complaining and I know that I do that alot but hey! It's a blog isn't it? Guess that's where all my frustration and anger goes.

On the journey home from the plaza, we kept teasing each other about what each other was thinking. I could not tell him the real truth though. I had feelings for him but I could not let it out. It's like unvented anger. You want to unleashed but you can't in fear of repulsing them. I'm hopeless and I know it.

Kick-Boxing

Interestingly Ben asked me to take photos during his kick-boxing training. Very flattering. The fact that I'm hopeless at taking photography is ironic. My Olympus FFE220 is hopeless as it is great for taking stills but not for fast moving action sports like kick-boxing. Even with the mode set to "Sports" doesn't help as it still had blurry bits to the photographs where movement has taken place.

Left to Right: Fight in the Ring and Just posing for the Camera

The smell of sweat from hard work and perspiration reminds me of the time I trained for Jujitsu. The air is dense with the sound of kicking and punching. I brought my friend, Alice along, though I think she was bored to death as it was my job to take the photographs and not hers. She was frightened by the punching and the kicking and I actually found that rather amusing.

I felt excited and rather nervous due to the fact that I was expected to be a good photographer. I'm always worried about what other people may think of me and judge me though in the real world, no one really cares. Most importantly is getting the job done with professionalism.

Some how....

Mother. She is the one that seems over-protective at times..especially when I'm trying to meet new friends that are male. I do agree on her basis though I think I'm more likely to scare them off with my mum's hawking talent. She'd dig the information out of me, though I'd prep her before I leave the house. She'd also write down the number of my fellow friend and keep it, "Just in case.."

After the kick-boxing training, I got a lift from Ben and back to my place. I had to run upstairs and edit the photos. Due to the lighting in the studio, I had to use flash in order for it to be clear but it meant darker photos. Thankfully, my printer had an editing software that allowed me to play around with the lighting and contrast editing. Pheww..things seemed clearer and a bit more beautiful.

I had a quick dinner and had another lift back to Ben's place to upload the photos on to his computer. OMG...I did NOT want to see his reaction to the photos..Mum reckoned it was so blurry too... I wanted to hide my head in a hole and not look up for the world to see. Guess people have to start somewhere and learn from their mistakes. Grateful to Ben for this opportunity. (Still want to hide my head in a hole!) Go ahead! Laugh! These photos are for the world to see.

~ Photography~

So..I am jealous that my friend, Tessa Mansell and Boey Wei-Jan has good photography skills. So throughout the year, I tried some of my own with just a normal digital camera. Nothing really artistic but just to capture the moment. I also do editing with a program that I have on my computer which is really good for profile photographs. I wish I had Adobe Photoshop which is a very good program but then it's so expensive. I will have to make due with what I have now.

My digital camera is the Olympus FE220. It has a 2.5 inch wide screen..not too shabby for the price I paid.

Nevertheless I captured some wonderful images that I'm proud of. The first series I'm showing was displayed for my art exhibition in early November. I took these photographs during the Coolum Kite Festival. They have flame throwers and I decided to take it. Without the flash I was able to capture it, but it also meant that it had a longer exposure and lead to this. I don't usually put a tag, but then it feels like a must now.

Look at it Spin!!!

This is my favourite piece. It shows the movement of the flames and its intricate designs are simply captivating.

This piece wasn't displayed in my art exhibition as it wasn't exciting enough. Nontheless, breathless...

I also enjoy this piece, it has the movement of the flame throwers and the movement of the fire. Well covered and it doesn't have a focused focus point. Breath taking.

The next few pieces are from my Adelaide to Melbourne tour. In Adelaide, they have these stunning architecture which I enjoyed taking in black and white. Along the Great Ocean Rd, we stopped along a waterfall and the brightness of the waterfall was surprising as it was passed sunset. Not to forget, my favourite piece - Beware of golfers (s)hitting over road

Stranger in the woods

~Chicken Little ~

I don't know if everyone knows the story but a chicken ended up on the roof, left there for eternity to show the direction of the blowing wind.

Waterfall


My favourite photo! I wonder why...

Another Gathering!

The very next day after my graduation, there's this gathering near where I live in Chancellor Park. However, where we were suppose to meet was rather unclear. We spent 1/2 hour walking round to Varsity Court..When it could have been 10 minutes...But it was nice walking and talking to Alice and eventually making our way there. I was wearing black too and the glaring sun was my enemy.

At the entrance, Yuliana, an Indonesian Chinese woman of 32, stood awaiting our arrival. Varsity Court was where my other Chinese school friends used to live and it brought back some memories. We were met by other Asians that I have seen before and also Ine, a Nigerian girl which I later spent my time chattering to.

Left to Right: Jap guy (How embarassing! I can't remember his name!), Tony, Jeffrey, Me, Alice, Chinese girl from China (also don't know her name!), Maya and Ine

Ine, Me and Kanako (This is not my best pic either!)

There were new people like Michael, a Chinese born in New Zealand, Gloria - another Indo-Chinese, Kanako- a Japanese woman of 21 (I thought she was 18!), BenJ (Malaysian mixed New Zealander) and his cousin Saffron (isn't that a spice?) and others too.

Yuliana and Ben Tan (It's funny how eurasians have the surname Tan..haha like Shaun Tan)

Me and Gloria and unexpectedly Kwan..or is it Huang..no idea

I finally found my way of socializing and actually meeting new people, which is good for my social health. I lacked those connections and know I'm trying to expand them the best way I can. I'm actually proud of myself to have friends scattered in Europe - Germany, Italy and Estonia and of course Malaysia.

I realised that real friends are hard to find. Some we meet, say hello and goodbye, never to be heard from again. I cherish those that keep in good contact like Michelle Kong. We still keep in contact despite the distance. Katharina and Siiri hasn't left me a message yet and it is a bit disappointing. I also miss the company of Stefano whom brings some warmth into my cold life. Not to forget Enrique - the crazy Mexicano..

~Mi Mancherai~