Screw Up

Oh yes.

My biggest fear has come true.

I bombarded his emails.
No response.

And if you think that isn't desperate enough, I called and left him some 6 miss calls and one voicemail.

No response.

I chat him up on Skype.

No response.

This is fucking great isn't it? Someone I thought was reliable, now screwed me over. Please, if you didn't want to support, say it to my face. Don't leave me hanging here. If he had excuses with personal or business problems, at least tell me so I don't have to put up with this kind of shit. At least then I'll have a clear plan as to what I can do to save my own sorry ass.

I've been panicking although there is nothing I can do. The feeling of hopelessness is making me lose it. Nothing else has brought me to this exact feeling right now. Not even me failing the IB and had so much problems with the uni applications.

It's Friday night your time. Banks are closed and what the fuck am I going to do now?

This is Mesha.
And she is screwed..

HELP?

I think this will be the most personal and insecure blog I have written in a very long time. Now that I look back, I can see how immature I have been over the past few years. For once in my life, I feel so hopeless and insecure about my future.

Some of you that knows me personally might perceive me to be this kinda cheerful girl that rambles on complete bullshit at times.

I am not her. That's just an image that I hold to disguise who I am on the inside.

My sponsor hasn't been responding to the emails I sent concerning my uni fees and I told him that it has to be sent this week. I told him somewhat 2 weeks prior as to how much I need and that it has to be in by this week.

Nope. No response.

I don't know who to turn to and how to react. I am somewhat in a shock state.

The fees aren't due yet, but I must say it's soon. Soon as in February 10, 2009 soon. The total cost of my semester fees? $9,600AUD.

Yup. That's a shitload of money and if he doesn't send, I'm pretty much fucked. My mother has offered to send me some if it has come down to that situation, but she's financially tight too. AND that money that she is offering comes from her own savings. Taking that out from the term deposit means she is going to lose somewhat $2000AUD worth of interest. For that reason alone, I do not want to financially burden my mother. She has already gone through enough for me. But that the hell am I going to do?

She's already in a panicking stage and so am I.

Where the fuck am I going to get that kind of money if he doesn't send?

It's partially my fault. I look back and see how stupidly I wasted my money on unnecessary items that I do not really need. It was just a "I want" attitude that I had and now I'm sitting here full of regret, frustration and the only thing I can do is sit here and PRAY that he sends it soon. Even next week would be great.

But to prepare myself, I have to think of the worst scenario. What the fuck am I going to do?

I don't have any real friends that I can seek for help. And even if I really do, who's going to give me a loan of $10,000AUD?

None right?

I used to rant about stupid things such as I'm single blah blah blah, which is true, but in the end, it is not as huge as the situation I'm in.

Omg. I'm literally breaking down due to the panick attacks I'm getting every few hours when I'm not distracted by work and other house chores.

I really am alone in this situation. The only thing that drives me forward is that I have only myself to rely on and not break down. I have to be strong.

It's not like I have a choice anyways. If it's not me that is holding myself together, who will? Who will sit together with me and get me through this rough patch?

No one.

I still can't believe I'm actually getting into a uni and it's only a short 2 years away of completing my degree and I have to be in this situation. Fucking great isn't it?

If I don't enrol, the case would be that I'd get kicked out of Australia and try to reapply for the semester in June/July. The problem is: Where the hell am I going to store 3 years worth of stuff that has been accumulated over the 3 years that I have been here in Australia?

Like I said, I don't have that many close friends here that will pull me out of this shit!

My god. My child-like behaviour last year has really taken it's toll on me, and I'm definately beating myself up for that stupid mistake.

But no use crying over spilt milk. The deed is done.

Thankfully, [thanks to Kelvin], I have a great part-time job at the cafe in the university that is sustaining me for the time being. That's what I'm living off at the moment. There's barely enough food at home too in this point of time. I feel so degraded and this IS how low I am.

Zomfgwtfbbq normally uses a quote "Harden the Fuck Up". Believe me I am. That's the quote that's holding me together now.

Mesha is no longer the girl you think you know.

I'm someone... else.

Overall, I guess this is a lesson. To be wise financially. And also, how alone I am when I'm in shit.

Burps

I cannot burp.

Seriously.

This has been occuring for a few days, where I can feel the gale in my tummy ready to emerge to cause some havoc, but it just won't come up.

I suspect it is the Coke's fault, but it normally comes up it is needed!

Anyone has any suggestions as to what could be done to relieve my inner-tornado?

*Tummy rumbles*

CNY on the Cbox: Cow Madness

And just when I thought I was normal. It all started off this afternoon where I came in and laughed my ass off and WAS ACTUALLY PLEASED that my nickname had remained normal as Mesha. Other chatters had their name changed in celebration of Chinese New Year: Year of the Ox. I came back a few hours later and BAM.

Mooosha.

WTFreak?

Kenny always lurks and probably saw that I was actually happy being normal.

Or should I say Kenniuuu?

Yes! We made him change too! *does a jig*

See! See!



Other chatters have been changed too!

Munaksss -Mooonaksss
RJ - RJ the Buffalo
Stan - Steak
zomfgwtfbbq - zomfgwtfbbq beef steak (afternoon) --> zomfgwtfbbq beef burger
Stellix - Stell-ox
Nicola - Nicowla
Zoe - Zo-ox
Wenpink is nice - Wenpink is a cow
Naeboo - Naemoooo
Guy Fawkes - Cow Fawkes

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

GONG XI FA CHAI!

Ang Pau Na Lai!

First Nuffnang Gathering in Perth

No. I'm not some pretentious, wanna-be famous blogger just cause I went to a Nuffnang event. I really wanted to see and interact with some of the local bloggers here in Perth.

Guess what.

Perth's Nuffnang gathering was small.

I mean really small. Like what? Some 20 bloggers?

From right to left: Will, [I have no clue who], Vern Tee, Martyn, Me, Marie and her friend.

Bottom image: Ming and Vern Tee

Ok. The bright side of things is that I've met Karen Cheng and a few other interesting bloggers like Vern Tee and Will. Oh not to mention Ming [co-founder of Nuffnang] and Martyn [Nuffnang Australia Supervisor].

Karen Cheng and I

Nuffnang's co-founder, Ming.

Going to such meetings where they actually gave a speech really made think. Should I do Advertising and Marketing as my minor? Or should I go for PR instead?

O_O

Decisions, decisions, decisions....

*Head explodes*

Dinner @ Ha-Lu's. Round 2

Ah. I never thought I'd go back to Ha-Lu's as it's located in Mt. Hawthorn. Hard to get there when you're a student and it's also out of the normal student's budget for food.

Oh well. Anything for good food and good company too!

Jeremy is Takeshi's ex-colleague that I met during my first round to Ha-Lu's. The first time I saw him was at Bel's and Takeshi's wedding, although I did not talk to him at all (He was one of the few good-looking men at the wedding.. What?! We women deserve some eye candy too ok?)

Anyways, later on, he joined Facebook and I cepat cepat added him. Long story cut short. I was bored, he has a meeting with friends at Ha-lu's. Spare seat. I got invited. :D

Damn. Ha-Lu's food is so good. The portions are ridiculously small though. However, it's the quality that matters. Quality not quantity.

Later, we headed to a cafe nearby Ha-Lu's and got gelati and coffee and some dessert. Although, I don't eat much nowadays, I can see where the fat comes from.

Kacak-kan? ;P

Mother in hospital T_T

Again. What happened this time? Urgh. She should really just get a hysterectomy and it's all over. Man, I thought it would have been a good day since I received my first pay! I called her, only to realise that she's sick. How could it have gone wrong? Mm. Oh well, I really hope she gets better soon. T_T I'm now worried on top of all the work that I have to go through. This year, 2009, is indeed Annus Terribilis.

Epic LOL material

This happened yesterday afternoon with the debate of the mod's name colour. We used to be blue, like any other normal registered user, then Kenny changed the mods to maroon. Got used to that.. and then THIS?! OMFG Pink! And it's not that I hate pink, but when I chatted, the pink was blinding and to top it off, I had a headache. Kenny popped in for a while and had some lol material going on with zomfgwtfbbq also being one of the anti-pink mods. Take a look!

Working Life

... isn't as glamourous. Yes. I'm stating the obvious but guess I am too used to my free life, where weekends are spent at home on the computer. Laze in on a Saturday afternoon with no worries at all. Gah. What did I sign myself up for?

Ok. Ok. I shall stop whining and ranting but I miss having to sleep in on weekends and this is my first week of work! WTF?

Guess it's the money that's making me work. Not that I'm paid much though. At a really ridiculous wage of $8AUD an hour, it's slavery!

Moreover, my boss does not tell me when I should work. It was only through MY effort of calling in that I found out that I did not need to work the Friday night shift. Really WTF situation. You booked me in for Friday and you don't call me to inform me? Urgh.

Ok, it's 2.17 and I have 5 hours left of sleep. Go me.

Morning shift for Mesha.

Fuck this shit.

Lin Hu's Farewell

Ah the bugger left us in Perth whilst he's busy partying back in Penang. That bastard. I'm roasting in Perth! You should have stayed and enjoyed the heat with us! Hahha. Although I knew this guy for a short period of a few months, he proved to be a pretty good buddy. Partying/Drinking buddy to be exact. Thanks for everything! Especially letting me crash in your sister's room and stealing your bedsheets for the night when we were drinking :)

Dedicated to the crazy fellow:

Tony and Lin Hu
Kenny
Roger

Hell on Earth

Someone pass me the shotgun and I'll happily shoot myself during the hottest period in Perth. Sometimes I do wish that someone could just take me away to somewhere cold. Preferably to the Northern Hemisphere where it's winter instead of summer. Ok, so it may not be the end of the world but sometimes it really feels as if Satan came up to our level and brought whole of Hell along with him. With the average temperature of 34 degrees in summer, I am willing to do anything for air-con (well, not anything of course but I'll bribe people to let me crash at their place if there's AC). Ok, so I'm a whore for AC. Shoot me.

My First Job!

OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG

I've finally gotten myself a job! Yay! Ok. Nothing special to some of the normal peeps, but it finally means more independence on my part! It's an alright job although the pay is low at $8AUD an hour. Hey, it's better than nothing right? Since I'm doing only 2 classes a week, I am deciding on getting a second job in Curtin, selling food to uni bratz at $14AUD an hour.

Wish me luck on the 2nd one!

New Year's Resolution and Pact

Here's my New Year's Resolution:

1. Working much harder when I get to university.
2. Getting a job.
3. Getting a BF - DEADLINE IS END OF AUGUST 2009
4. Getting a car and a P license.
5. Being cleaner and neater
6. Lose weight
7. Save money - this means no more shopping!!!! D:<
   

A New Year and a Micro Firework Party

At Last.

The year 2008 has passed and a new year has arrived.

Like I give a shit.

It's just going to be another lonely year for me, so what's the point of really celebrating it. Am so not looking forward to this new year.

Urgh.

Perphaps the only thing that I'm looking forward to is getting into university.

Stephanie and K picked me and Lin Kah up to South Perth to watch the firework display and it was just OK (I've seen better in my time whilst I was in Brisbane - the annual River Fire display) then dropped me off at Lin Kah's place (I crashed over since he had air-conditioning at his place and I didn't). Lin Kah had some left over sparklers and we decided to make use of them during this festive occasion. We had quite a bit of camwhore moments but it's all good. Well, at least my NYE didn't end up as lonely as I expected it to be. Thank you Lin Kah!

HAVE A FUCKING HAPPY NEW YEAR SUCKERS!