The Last of My Teenage Years

Here's a very sweet note that I received in my birthday card from Icee. Although I've known her for a short period of time, I've come to realise that she and I are similar in many different ways.

Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for being a friend.

Dear Mesha,

On your 19th birthday, marks the end of your teenage years and the beginning of adulthood.

It is a very special day in everyone's life because on this day, a person cherishes the old moments filled with love, care and shelter but now the person is moving towards adulthood, where he or she will be loaded with responsibilities and independence of thoughts and expression.

"Over the hell and sliding down fast, you knew being young just couldn't last,
Your back goes out, the eyes grow dim,
You can't hear over the background,
Aches and pains are constant companions,
You wear bigger shoes because of your bunions!
The memory is fading, names you forget,
You really don't want to get older - and yet...
The sliding down the other side of the hill can give you quite an invigorating thrill!"
-Lona Hatfield-

Love,
Icee

Clean. Simple. Perfect.

Clean. Simple. Perfect.

Something to what I need right now in my life. A new, clean, or should I say a fresh start? Although it's almost the end of 2009, I guess it's been a hell of a year that I went through.

I started off with a layout that was the complete opposite. Actually quite similar to what I had before. Black with shiny bits here and there. But the coding somehow fucked up. Nice isn't it?

Found that out today.... so I had to resort to this one! The best bit with blogging and actually meddling with the HTML coding allows me to change the name from EMPTY to my name -MESHA!!

I hate coding but with a little practice.. WOW.

Hheheheh guess I'm not that stupid after all!

Welcome back to the world of blogging!!

XOXO

A New Chapter UnRavels..

Hello!

THIS BLOG WILL CONTINUE WHEN I'M DONE GIVING IT A MAKE-OVER!

A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE.

A FRESH LOOK.

TO FORGET THE PAST

AND START ANEW

XOXO

It's Not So Bad After All...

I guess from the last post I wrote about Love, I have moved on. The benefit from being hurt in a relationship would definitely be waking up to the world as a stronger person. Actually, I should re-phrase that. Stronger, with a shield.

A very thick shield.

You have been hurt once. You do not want to be hurt again. It will take forever before I start trusting the person enough to open up my emotions.

Yet, the best bit I have learned this year [especially for a female], the ability to seperate sex from feelings. I don't know why, but my feelings has been drained. I wonder if I have a hole in place of where my heart should be. Or has it been buried so deep inside, it will take only the right person to bring it back out again.

However, this person is like me. Which scares me. Especially the part where both of us have a hollow place in our chests. Our hearts, broken. Forgotten.

I'm in love with Love. When will it come pouring down on me?

When I have learned to love? I gave it my all, but it was never good enough. And I'm still waiting here to be loved.

Boy oh Boy.

Dear new potential boyfriend,

I hope if you ever do stumble upon this post, maybe you'll see me in a different light. Am I really evil? I don't think so. I am not really your average girl but I am at the same time. But see, I used to be a nice girl who'd do anything for someone I like. Even if I'm not perfect, I try. If you can't see it for a certain period of time, I give up easily now as I do not want my efforts to go to waste.

You and I have much in common. Our hearts were once shattered by someone we loved and cherished. To a point where we do not care anymore. About others around us or even ourselves. For all I know, my heart is still shattered and will remain in pieces until someone is willing to patch those shards of my heart back together again.

Being clingy. Let's delve into this topic shall we? Most girls are. I do not own a dick so that will probably fit me into the category of the emotional species - female. I cannot see how clingy I am, although I do know I am sometimes. But why do I do it? The constant thought of texting you and wanting to know what you're up to, is simple this: I like you and therefore I'd like to spend time with you. To add to this, I am a girl who loves constant attention. You give me attention and I'm easily satisfied. But. Normal guys, don't want us to be clingy. Unfortunately, I crave attention. After awhile, if you don't bother having the initiative to call me or text me, I have come to a point where I lose attention in you too. There is no point where my efforts spent on texting you, wanting to see you go down the drain. Fuck that.

Ok. Perphaps I'm being irrational and paranoid. But look at it this way. If you like a person, wouldn't you like to spend time with the special someone a bit more? Texting. Hmm. Tough decision isn't it? Texting constantly is like texting a special friend. When you said you'd call, please do.

This is getting complicated. Here's what I want. If you're sincere about me, then do put in more effort to see me. Rather than me asking you what you're doing and attempting to join in. You want some alone time, but not weeks on end without talking and just texting. May as well you and I be friends and I can go meet someone else who'd give me more attention than you do.

I wish you all the best in your quest and perphaps if you do it well enough, my heart will be yours.

xoxo